Hello everyone and HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I hope you are well and having a fabulous holiday! I had the most amazing New Year’s Eve ever. First we had a dish party at a friend’s place. Everyone brought food and I felt so grateful for the delicious meals and the love around me. The atmosphere was relaxed, we had some champagne and wine, listened to music, talked, and laughed. Elatedly we moved to the bar next door where we had a reservation to go see the fireworks on the rooftop. I honestly wasn’t all that excited because I’ve seen a lot of fireworks and didn’t think that they could still surprise me. Also I’m against the high costs and the negative impact on the environment (classic party pooper me, hello🙋🏼♀️). Oh boy, how I was wrong! (About the surprise, not about the concerns☝🏼).
What we experienced reminded me more of a festival than a simple rooftop party: At midnight sharp we were surrounded by lights, colours and lightnings – 360 degrees, everywhere I looked there were majestic fireworks. The whole city was welcoming the year 2018 and we seemed to stand right in the middle of the spectacle. Everyone was hugging and screaming, the vibes were electrified, energetic. I felt so alive with love rushing through my veins. I didn’t have a single thought on my mind. I was just there. At peace.
Later we went back down to the bar and there was live saxophone music with a good beat, so we danced until our feet started to hurt (which was surprisingly late considering the high heels I was wearing). I remember every moment like in a movie, laughing for the mere sake of it, happiness bubbling out of me. And again: There was not a single thought on my mind. I was just there, dancing with my love. At peace.
Which brings me to my main New Year’s resolution for 2018: I want to be alive, I really want to show up. You may say: “Girl, your heart has been beating for the last 3 decades, you’re pretty much alive”. Am I, though? I spend a big part of my days caught up in thoughts. It’s like I created my own little prison up there and now I don’t know how to get out anymore. Still, after 6 years of meditation practice, I have to admit to be a compulsive thinker (my name is Martina and I have a problem👋🏼). I think about what happened and could have happened in the past, what may or may not happen in the future, what I want to do better tomorrow or next year, and I completely miss out on life while doing so. I don’t see the colours around me, I don’t hear the birds singing, I sometimes don’t even taste the food that I’m eating. Life happens, but I’m not here to witness it. That doesn’t sound very much alive to me.
That said it’s also no big surprise that I used to have depression issues. This pulsing life that I felt on the rooftop on New Year’s Eve, that I feel when I hop off the train of thoughts and that I always experience during meditation can’t be found in the past or future. There is no space for life on the narrow horizontal line of time. True love, our souls, God, the Universe, joy, inner peace – or whatever you’d like to call the blissful core of existence – can only be found in the Now. Here and Now.
So I make it official: I’m really done limiting who I am to thoughts and feelings. I’m so much more than this – what if I can find the whole Universe inside of me? And one more promise to myself: I won’t count the times that I fall back asleep in 2018, I’ll focus on the millions of times that I wake up instead. These are the moments that matter.
I hope each and every one of you had a wonderful start in this beautiful year. I wish you nothing but the best.
(And a complete random p.S.: I promised a long time ago to post a picture of my bitmoji, so here you go:)
How did you celebrate New Year’s Eve? Do you have any resolutions for 2018?