I thought fit to start this blog with a small introduction of myself and the story of how I became addicted to words:
My Name is Martina and I’m a passionate writer, meditation teacher, PhD student in criminal law and traveller on my very own spiritual journey. Until I was 23 years old I had a perfect life: Good prospects of a promising career, a long-term relationship that was supposed to end in marriage and two children sometime in the near future, a body mass index of luscious 21, and a circle of friends big enough to make me feel more or less popular. Sounds like I had every reason to be happy? I thought so, too…
Until one uneventful Wednesday afternoon I found myself sitting on the floor of my living room, wondering why the hell I just ate 18 (!) chocolate bars. Why I had been overeating compulsively on all different kinds of unhealthy food in the past 10 years, balancing it out with overdoing sports and strict diet plans. Why I struggled every day to get up and go to the office, or go out and meet friends, when all I really wanted to do was sleep. Why I looked at my boyfriend of three years as if he was a stranger. And finally: Why I always felt as if I don’t really belong here, as if my whole life was somehow fake.
I don’t know exactly where these questions came from all of a sudden – maybe the sugar rush from the chocolate bars caused some sort of mental blackout that stopped me from lying to myself – but once I saw the truth it couldn’t be unseen anymore: I was anything but happy. On the contrary, apparently I had an eating disorder, low self-esteem, depression issues and maybe even a serious personality disorder (along with an obvious tendency to dramatize). So I was left with no other choice but to look for answers.
I started the never-ending journey to the core of my very being with reading the stories of others: Guides, blogs, novels, any words that seemed like a reflection of myself and my weird patterns of behaviour. And to discover what tools those authors used to heal their old wounds made me try out a variety of healing-methods myself, some of which were not only successful but simply life changing. With meditation practise I slowly learned how to accept myself for who I am, to become aware, present, alive. As a matter of fact I got so hooked on meditation that I started to take interreligious classes to become a meditation teacher – probably the first time in my life I did something I was really passionate about.
Over the past years I found true love, friendship, real joy and even though I’m still struggling, I managed to build a lot of bridges that allow me to find the way back to my heart. Putting my thoughts and experiences into words has always been one of the most effective tools to reconnect with myself. It helps me to structure my issues, to bring them into the light of awareness and to finally let go of them. So I kept on writing and therewith following my passions for the second time in my life.
One year ago I found some courage in the corner of my heart and started posting some of my poetry on Instagram. The positive feedback was overwhelming and I realised that the people of this wonderful, caring community actually find comfort and guidance in my words, just as I do in theirs. The mutual support and the feeling of being connected with so many beautiful souls (as well as the fact that the captions on Instagram have only a limited number of characters) was what finally made me create this homepage, where I plan to post my thoughts on life, love and the Universe.
I can’t wait to connect with you.